A classic twin moment... cigarette n poo!

I can’t stop thinking about smoking. It’s crept up on me and now I imagine if I had a cigarette all strains, stresses, anxiety , exhaustion would ebb away as I look into the horizon and puff away. In this moment I am alone and all is quiet!

Well tonight I had some childcare and decide to take L for games on portmeadow with D - rare ‘just-us-three-time’.  It all unfurls not quite to plan, I’d forgotten about a lesson L has and D bumps into a friend who has a boat. D skips off and is found drinking a beer. But I have the bright idea that he could extract himself from his happy moment and bicycle L to his lesson. He agrees on the promise he’ll be back.

Anyway suddenly I have a surprise, stolen moment all of my own... it’s the most beautiful warm summers evening and I am with Ds lovely friends sitting in a sort of tented gazebo at the end of their wood panelled Dutch barge looking down the Thames, with glass of red wine in hand. They both smoke. And I just can’t resist my first cigarette (infact a modestly slim rolly) in at least 5 years.

I enjoyed it SO much (despite the hot rasping feeling and sensation my chest was screaming in alarm.) I had just finished it when D appeared. Phew. And then I had to hot foot it home, half an hour later than promised. The girls were crying, a bit hungry and too long with a new person. Then the cigarette moment fast fades replaced by a spiralling twin moment. 

Bathtime is not calm and all is off kilter to the point that I take them upstairs naked planning to put nappies on in their room. (I usually do it straight after the bath in the bathroom.) 

So phase two of my evening. I am dressing Rossy and willow has snuck behind her cot and is looking thoughtful... too thoughtful. And yes she has done a huge poo on my cream wool carpet. The thing is I am holding Rossy and if I put her down she will join willow who has now trodden in the poo and is smearing it about. I’m at a total loss and can only think. Is this because I had a cigarette?

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